It feels like all I have been doing recently is working. I am in a strange, secondary world of waking up, working, eating and going to bed.

There are still elements of excitement and interest which are usually provided by books, seeing friends, etc, but none of these are stories. I am bumbling along without 'experiences' and this is part of adult life.

I realise that we have to, at some point, fall into a state of work, eat, rest and 'live for the weekend' but it's so dull!

Nothing has had a massive effect, nothing has drawn great emotion. Until now.

Today I was informed that my friends mother had passed away. I knew the mother quite well and have always been happy to see her and talk openly with her.

She has been ill for a while and was now meant to be on the road to recovery. Unfortunately she became very ill during the night and passed away this morning. This has really stumped me and drawn emotions from me that I forgot existed.

Last night I went out for another friends birthday. I had no clue that these events were unfolding and now, to hear the news and to know there is nothing I can do is destroying.

My numbing process of working and living has had a wall thrown up in front of it and has made me draw on reserved emotions to try and process exactly what is going on.

I feel guilty for carrying on with my everyday, boring routine whilst someone I know and care about has had such hardship.

There is nothing I can do to help, nothing I could have done to help but still, I feel bad.

These things come to us all and we have no control over it. The lack of control makes it unfair and has left me and some of my friends in limbo. Unable to do anything, unable to have offered support and now we have to comes to terms with the fact that, with no ability to control or help we have basically sat on the sideline and watched it all.

I am very sorry and very sad.

The Mother was an excellent person. Very kind and fair, very beautiful throughout. She had hardship in the past and always seemed to take everything in her stride with an incredibly level head.

I admired her and respected her..respected what she had become and the opinion she carried alongside her. I wish I could have done more for her. Maybe I could have. There is always the chance that caring is interfering and I think the last thing the family needed was interfering.

With no way to show my respect and no way to express my sorrow. I find myself writing a blog, an ode to my friend, an ode to everyone who has experienced this.

Some people gain notoriety through acts of kindness, saving starving Africans, building churches, jumping into a fire to save a child.

These people deserve medals, and get them.

But what about the person I am writing about?

Some people are inspirational, some people are beautiful, some people are fair and some people are clever. But not many are all of these. I am lucky to have met a person like this and will not forget I did.

The gentlest of touches can leave the biggest impressions

I just wish she had been told, I wish she had got her medal

A fortunate place

I am very privileged to have been brought up in the City of Chichester, West Sussex.

It has everything I could ever need, want or dream of having.

It is located on the South Coast of England and is very close to a wonderful, sandy beach and a small harbour which is all within an Area of outstanding natural beauty. The Town has most of the shops I need and if I need a larger shopping Capital, it is a short drive to Portsmouth or Brighton.

London is an hour if hussle bussle is required.

To the North of the City are acres and acres of farmland and many lovely rural settings with the South Downs protecting us from Northerly (ish) winds.

Chichester is amazingly picturesque and has many beautiful, cobbled streets and Roman Architecture alongside Georgian Town houses.

So, this is presumably, why I am privileged to live here?

NO, There's more!

Chichester is full of brilliant types of people. This is why I consider myself lucky.

Last Friday the Goodwood Estate held an event consisting of horse racing and then a party after with Mark Ronson performing live DJ sets.

I managed to get a 50% discount on the ticket price due to my job and when I got there, me and a friend drank in the private restaurant's bar before wandering down to the Richmond Enclosure to bet and mingle with many local faces.

Once the races had ended, I mingled for a bit longer and then walked towards the main area where Mark Ronson was due to perform. I bought a couple of drinks from the bar whilst watching the back of Ronson (because his DJ area was behind the bar, facing in the other direction) and then went up to one of the private boxes to watch the performance.

All in all, it was an incredible night.

I know some people may be reading this thinking that I am trying to boast, etc

However, here's the (hopefully) slightly endearing part.

Whilst watching from the top floor, my friend and I started chatting about how lucky we were.

We had met people who had travelled a long way for the night and here we were, enjoying this amazing event which had been put on, right on our doorstep.

The reason I managed to attend the event, drink in the posh bit and watch Ronson from a private box was NOT because I have a massive bank balance which I can throw around. It was purely down to where I live.

Living here has enabled me to meet many people who help me have a better time.

I have been lucky enough to use some incredibly nice cars, eat in nice restaurants and these sorts of things all because of the people I know.

I used to think that most people (who had money) were stuck up and wouldn't want to associate themselves with people who had less than £250,000 in their bank accounts but I have been proven wrong, very wrong.

Some of these people are really, genuinely nice guys (and girls) who are just normal people. They don't care how much money you have! Just don't be a dick and they won't mind! I do know some people who are green with envy and try to talk down everything the richer guys have. If they appear with a new car, these people will just talk about how rubbish it is, etc.

This gets you no where. Nobody agrees, nobody is impressed. The only outcome from it is people don't want to hang around with the negative vibe the individual puts across.

Anyway, this is what I mean. How lucky am I? This is all because of Chichester!

This is my fortunate place.

The way I see Chichester is different to everyone else.

There are many reasons to like Chichester and everyone's reasons are different.

I am so very lucky to be here and to have met the people I have.

If you regularly socialise in Chichester at the weekends, you build a small plethora of contacts who are not only fun to be around but are involved in something you can benefit from. I have worried before that I feel the beneficial role between me and certain, other people is un-even. I cannot offer the same 'perks'...but it's not about that. This is why they are perks. We are primarily hanging out with each other because we like the other person and the little benefits are a by-product of this.

Chichester rarely changes. We have one very small, inadequate nightclub (of sorts) and there is no chance a new one will be allowed to open. The bars are mainly pubs which have been converted and and anything considered garish or cutting edge will almost certainly be denied permission to trade within the Roman Walls. But I couldn't care less. The next few weeks are the City's festivities weeks and I am planning to go to as many as possible.

This is a perfect example of fortunate:

I have wanted to see an Orchestra for a long time but have never done anything about it.

Soon, as part of the festivities, Chichester Cathedral will be playing host to the Philharmonic Orchestra. I was desperate to go and began persuading a friend. However, by the time I got him to finally agree to go, the tickets had sold out (apart from the rubbish ones, which means I wouldnt be able to see!). I was a bit sad but my friend suggested we just sat outside and listened in. This is the plan that has developed since then:

We will jump on the Mk1 and Mk2 Raleigh Choppers we have at our disposal, cycle to a local, cool Cafe which is hosting a jazz/coffee evening. Have a coffee and watch for about an hour, then cycle to the Cathedral and sit on the green outside listening to the Orchestra whilst eating some sort of ready made food, sandwiches, sausage rolls, etc.

Once the Orchestra has finished, we will cycle the long way home alongside the canal and stop for a beer before parking up and calling it a day.

This may not be your idea of fun but this to me, is incredible.

Even if it rains, we can sit inside the cloisters and carry on as normal.

The next few weeks contain many events which will make my evenings fun and fulfilled and I couldn't ask to be experiencing it in a better place.

Maybe I should run for Mayor??

A funny old year (maybe)

This is the year for business!

In the past I have had many ideas for businesses and new ways to make money. I have carried out only a handful of these and they have paid off. I have been very lucky to experience it this way so far.

However, I always feel regret for certain ideas I have not followed through on...the regret of missing my 'big chance'.

This year, it's time for a change. I have decided that the gamble is worth taking on each and every one of these opportunities and keep my fingers crossed!

I mean - What's a gamble without a loss?! (Not a gamble!)

So, I am setting a small list of precedants that each idea must meet. A kind of criteria that must be ticked off before it can be continued with.

Once all the boxes have been ticked I will go ahead with the idea and will invest a set amount of funds into marketing, advertising and general business needs.

The interesting thing for me is trying to set appropriate criteria. If it is too strict then I will be cutting myself off from potential risks but may also miss out on some exciting chances that could land me in the right place.

If I set the criteria too loosely I will inevitably end up with a miniature umbrella type set up of small, unsuccessful companies.

Another thing I would really like to investigate is investing. I don't like the stock market, it took a sum of cash from me a few years ago and I will only go back when I can afford 'the game'.

I mean; investing in businesses. Either buying small companies and aiming for a turn around or buying to split and sell.

I will also be investing in companies that need cash injections to achieve full potential and in exchange will take a percentage of the ownership.

So...Will it work?

This is why it's a gamble. I already have a company which was successful and I managed to turn it around, so I know I can do it...sort of.

This company is now my toy and I like to manipulate it to fit the climate's needs but a re-brand is inevitable.

I like to push other peoples companies to see how desperate they are to keep up. Not long ago, I lowered my prices...slashed my prices to gauge what the market's reaction would be.

I had some really interesting results.

The reaction from consumers had some variation to it. I found some people were put off because the price didn't reflect the quality. I still (at my loss) provided top quality service for bottom quality prices. Customers struggled to believe this and some didn't use me, they went for the traditionally priced services. I got new custom from people after a quick, cheap job and I also met a lot of rather cheap people!

The reaction form my rival businesses was extraodinary. Some local companies who claim to be 'friends' began to bad mouth my company name to try and retain business. I know some felt jealous because they were not in a position to compete with my prices and this jealousy turned to a slight hatred.

Another funny and disturbing reaction from local 'rivals' was a competitive price drop to try and keep up. Now I'm no spring chicken. I only bottomed my prices once I was in a good enough position to do so.

I set it up so that when the price drop came, the money I would potentially lose would not outweigh the profits I had made from the previous year.

One company went over the brink and tried to beat my prices. This company is no longer trading and has to start all over again. I have spoken to the Director and he is not worried at all "The old customers will be really happy to know we're trading again and will come back immediately".

Is that so?

OR

Have the previous customers now lost faith in your business and don't want to use your services anymore?

Well - YES.THEY.HAVE

These customers are now my customers and because of the prestige quality of all the work we produce, will not want to leave.

I have been honest with them all and have told them the price drop is only there to encourage new customers to use my services. This is to provide a low risk chance for them to test the market and see if they like it. They know I will be raising charges next year but because of the dramatic drop, the raise should still keep the prices below average. I am not out to make lots of money, this is something I enjoy and I like to keep myself busy with such mundane, boring tasks.

Another very important part of the strategy this year is finding myself a reliable team. I need a bunch of guys/gals who I can always use to rebrand a business within a few days. The important things here are budget, opinion and speed.

A friend of mine is able to build websites for me, he does an incredible job and works quickly and efficiently once the general idea is set.

He is my first team member and will play a crucial role in my future. The reason I hold him so highly is because of his talent and persona. Not only is he good at what he does, he also lets me pitch to him. I get to express my excitement for these new ideas and he offers his opinion back. I know if I told him that I needed a website to sell water to fish, he'd tell me I was being a prat. Another of his talents is creativity. I believe it very important to let a designer run with their own ideas as well as yours. I like to set a vague criteria of needs but generally leave the design to him. I know he will never fail to impress me.

I now need to find some beautiful, intellectual people to help me sell each idea. I know that it's not PC to employ only beautiful people but the unfortunate facts are...more people will buy from a pretty person (in my experience).

I need sales people who won't require PAYE. I can only afford to pay them when they are selling, not waiting for me to come up with another idea!

The problem here is: If I am getting them to sell two different products a month (for example). How can they be excited about the product? I need them to love it....genuinely love it. This will show in their presentation. I want the customer to feel the excitement radiating from them. I don't want it faked, it just makes for a cringeworthy time.

I will also need some maths boffs who can quickly smash out figures for every possible eventuality. So all the figures are there and no rash decisions are made.

I suppose another important thing is the marketing. This is my forte.

I absolutely love creating a brand for a company, getting the look just right and doing it all from a good old bit of research. I sit on the phone for hours, researching companies who are already in the industry. I like to ring them up as a sort of mystery shopper asking LOADS of questions and then 'calling back later'.

I often find a scrabble about on the internet for a couple of hours helps as well.

So, there you have it..

That's the plan..

NOW TO EXECUTE IT IN A SUCCESSFUL AND STYLISH MANNER

Watch this space..

I would like to wish everyone good luck with their plans this year. I'm taking a risk here but I only get one shot and I'm gonna take it...you should too!

PS - Another thing I need is a comfortable chair because my arse goes numb everytime I write this damn blog!

HAPPY NEW YEAR AND GOOD LUCK TO EVERYONE!

It's national thanks day apparently so I would like to take this opportunity to thank my one and only team member (so far)! - I couldn't have asked for anyone better and this is the year we hit it big! With you on my side, this can only go right (and I promise, once we've hit the big time, i'll tell everyone your name! haha). Can you keep an eye out for some beautiful people for the sales team? They're going to be essential!

I look forward to our first 2010 meeting!

Also, thanks to twitterers, facebookers and friends...you help me more than you could realise.

A new chapter

I think I have now started a new chapter in my life. I feel like I have got some things back in my life which I have missed a lot and I am also experiencing new things. With both these things combined it makes for a pretty good time!

I am seeing my friends lots and it's not just for a few beers at the end of the week. I visit them once a week and last week enjoyed an evening at my mates house eating KFC and watching the apprentice. It doesn't sound like much but it is purely a nice time to catch up and have a mini banter about the week.

I am currently going through a new(ish) set of emotions as well. Something I haven't felt since I was in secondary school.

I want to begin a relationship with a girl...who doesn't?

The funny thing is: I have no girl in mind and am not looking for anything too intense. For the past few years I have been looking for a girl who I can spend the rest of my life with but I have no come to realise that I was putting that in front of my own feelings, not along side.

This meant I generally felt unhappy and incomplete. I enjoy my life, my friends and my cars. This is what I will be doing for a while now. If a girl comes along that can fit in with that then that's great but if not, what have I lost? I am still enjoying myself!

I am looking for a person who I sit next to for the whole night without feeling pressured to please or entertain. I can do that with my friends. If I want sex, i'll go get it...end of.

I am now going to have a beer and watch iPlayer and fall asleep. Today I have spent more money on myself, shoes, trousers, coffee, jumpers. Crazy expenditure but I'm going to keep up the pretence that it's my 'rebound'.

I like being able to look at my life reflectively, realising I enjoy things is something I want to be able to do this forever.

Thanks for reading.

Time for a post (t'is a long'un..)

Ahh family...a great subject.

Really tough to write about, no doubt it's going to drag up some crap I've attempted to ignore/bury but I'm going to trawl through just for you (the reader).

I personally think my family life and my upbringing has been pretty normal but I know that some people think I have had it easy whilst others think I've had it hard.

Here we go..

Completely normal childhood up until my early teens. I was happy, my family had a nice house, we had pets, I argued with my sister and that was pretty much it.

My dad retired from the Royal Navy and started his own company in Boat refurbishment. My mother ran quite a successful Day Nursery and because of this, our house had to be quite large to accommodate for the children who attended. My sister and I had full run off the house during closing hours and a million toys to play with.

One morning when I left to go to school (secondary school), my dad told me my mum was feeling ill and was in bed so I shouted goodbye and cycled into school to begin my day of being a nuisance.

When I got back I found out my mum was still feeling ill so I went to see her, she seemed ok so dad cooked dinner and the evening carried on as normal.

A few days passed, mum was ok again, etc, etc.

Then a few days later, my dad told me my mum was ill again and she was going to the hospital because it seemed pretty serious. I went up to her room to see her and found her sitting up in bed. Half of her face was motionless, it was dropped down and had no movement at all.

I later learned this is what stroke victims looked like but my mum had not had a stroke.

She was taken to the hospital and tested for many different things, she came home that night and after a few days was completely back to normal and felt fine.

The tests showed nothing.

After a while, the worry started to disappear and we became a normal family again. Mum running the day nursery, etc.

After a period of months, the same thing happened again but this time it also affected her eyesight. One of her eyes was fixed looking left and she couldn't move it or see out of it.

Again a hospital visit was scheduled and again the tests showed nothing.

My mum stayed in hospital for 3 days this time and during one of the days was visited by a lady called Dr Rice-oxley.

Dr Rice Oxley spoke to my mum about a disease that was still relatively unknown and was very hard to diagnose. She said she wouldn't be able to actually diagnose my mother with it until they had ruled out everything else (basically, after deciding it's not A, B or C it must be ...).

After a few weeks my mum was (vaguely) diagnosed with Relapsing and remitting, Multiple Sclerosis. At the time, very little was known about MS and my family were not told how much it could disrupt our lives.

At any given time, my mum could suffer from a relapse and could lose the use of a finger or could be completely immobile.

After this, my memories blur into a slight recollection of these times.

My mum was forced to close the day nursery and my dads small, hobby company became the only income for our family. We began to struggle. My sister and I found it hard to adjust to the new, less fortunate situation but we kind of had to.

Eventually the decision was made to sell our family home and downsize. There was no way my dad could support everything on his income and the house would need work soon.

We sold up and moved into a much smaller property located further away from my friends.

I had finished school and focused on helping with the house move and the legal papers involved.

The place we moved to was located about 5 doors down from a pub. I remember me and my dad sitting outside this pub feeling a bit grim because of the realisation of having to buy such a small house.

After we moved, things changed dramatically. My mums motor skills went downhill rapidly, she lost all her confidence due to the constant threat of having a relapse and she became very depressed.

My dad struggled to deal with the pressure and began to drink heavily to try and forget the real world.

My sister didn't really live at home anymore but came down frequently to try and help.

I became a part time carer for my mum, I wasn't in a good enough financial position to be able to afford a car so I stayed at home most of the time. I had a couple of friends who visited me but it wasn't the sort of place you drove past so I relied on my friend Andy to visit me and take me out. When I did have a car I would go to see him and we would spend the night driving around Chichester (my local City). We didn't do much really but it felt like such a relief to be out of the house.

Andy soon became a very good friend of mine and our personality grew and developed in a joint way. We both have the same humour and feelings and we both have the same sense of morality.

My mum and dad argued more and more. It became a frequent thing and then one night my dad stayed out. I instantly informed my sister and she came down so we could do some detective work.

We followed my dad from work one night and he went into someone's house, we both knew exactly what was going on but we were too distraught to face it.

A few days later I breached the subject face to face with my dad and he confessed all - he was having an affair.

It became a game of cat and mouse. My dad said he would stop being unfaithful and I decided not to tell my mum because it would destroy her.

My dad didn't stop, he just tried harder to hide it and I kept catching him. Eventually me and my sister decided enough was enough so we told my mum. She was in pieces, it was one of the hardest things I've ever had to say to someone.

The family fell apart, my mum begged my dad to stop, he didn't. He decided he would have to leave the house. My mum begged him to stay, he didn't. He was given so many opportunities to change his mind but he didn't look back once.

I hated him, I hated my life.

My mum became nasty, she was malicious and devious. She became very selfish and if things didn't go her way, she would kick off. Once she tried to stab my dad but he got away with a little nick on his arm. She also reported me to the police for being abusive to her and she was terrible to my sister.

My uncle (dad's indentical twin brother) came down to try and help, it ended with me kicking my dad out of the house (literally) whilst trying to pin my uncle against the wall.

My whole world had fallen apart, everything was wrong. I hated my family and who we had become. I never wanted to see anyone ever again.

Still, when the days were less damaging, I saw Andy, we laughed and everything was ok.

Soon enough, divorce papers were filed. My mum decided she would like to move back to Devon to be near her mother, sister and brother. It seemed like a good idea. My dad was living on a boat near where he worked and spending most of his time with his new girlfriend.

I saw him once a week when he would drop in food he had bought for me and mum.

My mum and I moved into some temporary accommodation until we found her a flat in Devon.

My Auntie (mum's sister) offered to take my mum until she found somewhere, we went ahead with that.

I was now faced with a new problem. I had no job (because I was no longer a carer), I had no home and no-where to go.

My dad had moved into his girlfriends house...we still barely spoke.

I eventually found somewhere I could live. My parents divorce left me and my sister with some money. My money was handed over to me in an envelope with a letter from my dad saying "That's it, no more" with the lead for the family dog, who was attached to one end.

I considered this money 'dirty'. I wanted to have nothing to do with it and intended to get rid of it asap.

I rented a log cabin on the outskirts of Chichester for the summer. I went out every Tuesday, Friday and Saturday night. I had barbeques, ate in ridiculously expensive restaurants and bought a lot of electronic, gadgety things.

I upgraded to a more expensive cabin which hung over the edge of the lake, bought two cars and a speedboat.

It was a pretty amazing time..

One of my friends bought a house that needed restoration and I started going there in the evenings to help. We decided we should live together. I didn't renew the tenancy on the cabin but the house wasn't finished in time. This was the first time I had to bite the bullet.

I was speaking to my dad every now and again, I spoke to my mum every day and me and my sister had become very close and saw each other regularly.

My dad found out that I was soon to be homeless and asked me if I would like to live with him temporarily. I didn't know what to do, in the end I accepted because I didn't have much option!

I found out living with him and his new girlfriend in a 3 bedroom house wasn't what i had imagined. I ended up living next to their house...on the driveway...in a caravan.

It was a strange time...that's what you call downsizing!

After a few months the house was finished and I moved in on the day we completed.

Another friend moved in and another period of carnage began. I got back in contact with a girl who I used to go out with (6 years previous).

I fell in love, she fell in love. She was at University in Norwich and we did what ever it took to see each other as often as possible.

Time passed and eventually I decided I had to get out of the carnage house.

My girlfriends mother offered me a room and I moved in.

I had a great time, I had to adjust my ways a fair bit but I got to see my girlfriend for longer because we just spent all our time together at her mums. It worked out so much better. Before I had to 'share' her with her mother but now I saw her for the whole weekend.

I drove up to see her every other weekend and we became completely besotted with each other.

When she graduated from University we moved in together. It was lots of fun at the beginning and I finally felt settled for the first time since my parents divorced.

After a year or so things started to go wrong and we eventually split up and moved apart.

I had started studying Architecture at Portsmouth University and had to move into central Portsmouth with people I have never met before.

I missed my friends, I missed my girlfriend and I felt very low. My first love had gone and my friends were not next door.

Meanwhile...

My dad and his girlfriend were going strong. She was bearable but was quite arrogant and selfish. She also drank a fair bit which wasn't helping my dad who was by now, a drunk.

My sister was living in Haywards Heath and had taken on a secure, telephone support role for me to moan to. She let me get angry and she let me cry, this helped a lot

My mum was now in her own flat in Devon. She had not enjoyed the time she had spent at her sister's and this had made it a lot harder for me.

Part of the reason me and my girlfriend had split up was because my mum had become very ill and had been taken to hospital. She was moved to St Richards in Chichester and during her recovery period had come to stay with me and my girlfriend. This was my girlfriend's decision and eventually started put a huge strain on our relationship.

When my mother was better she went back to her property in Devon and my girlfriend and I ended our time living together.

Recently..

University has not gone as I had hoped since then and a few things have been sent to test me but I will continue to fight for what I desire.

I have experienced another love and lost another love. I have lost family members and gained family members.

I continue to meet incredible people every day and still look at the world through someone else's eyes. I still yearn for security and a family but I have come to realise...I have one.

Andy is still my closest friend and I now have his family as my own. I am close to them and consider them very dear. I was invited to their house last year for Christmas and will be doing the same this year. Last year was my first, relaxed Christmas for 4 years. I had forgotten what it was all about and it re-kindled a fire I once had..a fire for family life.

This has made me want my own securities more than ever, I will always look for it.

I am now able to express my family needs through Andy's family and it has helped so much.

Since then I have had other up's and down's but have now found my place.

I am not sure of my future career, I am not sure if I will ever be a millionaire but I know one thing.

I didn't choose my family, I have to put up with them.

BUT

I did choose my friends, they also chose me and I am unbelievably lucky to have such a wonderful group of people surrounding me.

I don't think my life has been all that bad so far. I've seen worse and I can only be grateful for having the ride I have.

I will continue to struggle on, I will continue to look for my future partner...I may continue to get it wrong.

I hope to be writing this blog in 5 years time reclining in a leather massage chair whilst throwing fifty pound notes into the air, but if I still have my friends, am in a comfortable financial situation and have found true love...I couldn't give a shit about money or anything else.

I hope this story makes you want to weigh up how lucky you have been and be grateful for what you've got.

I know that Andy will not read this, he's not the type but anyone who knows him will now understand why we are such good friends. I couldn't have asked to have met a better person. I could never thank him enough and I hope that the small favours and efforts I give will one day, begin to pay back a small amount of what I owe him..a true friend.

-BLANK-

I don't really have anything to write about but I felt bad for not blogging for a couple of days. To entertain any readers I have enclosed a link for a fantastic post from a twitter buddy. It's an amazing story that has brought tears to many:

http://davielegend.blogspot.com/2010/11/littlest-hero.html

Love lost and Love to be found

I'm not a poet, I don't claim to be. I like poems that rhyme, I struggle to understand poems that don't. Sometimes things are understood easier with a poem. It leaves a capacity for the mind to creatively wander.

I wrote this poem about love based on recent experiences with partners, friends, etc

It's about love that has gone and the test of waiting and looking for it again.

Eyes grow large on a mindful hill,

realism grabs me and holds me still,

I cannot touch, nor will not try,

for the innocence of being, contains a lie

I would have followed, to feel two breathe

to taste the wonders, of a living supreme

but now I'm here, just me on my own

treading so gently, upon the bones

of others victims, of this cruel crime

that took my confidence, with my time

and look at me now, left broken and weak

left with wants, and in great need

for I have seen, my lips did taste,

the hands have touched upon my face

the gent'lest feel of long silk hair

the breath of beauty in the air

and now I'm sad, it has all gone

I need it back, but can't wait long

the nicest knowledge, to carry with me

is I'm with you and you're with me.

just like a breeze, you flew away

but you my love, will be found one day

you'll come to me, I'll look for you

and when you're here, it's all been true.