It feels like all I have been doing recently is working. I am in a strange, secondary world of waking up, working, eating and going to bed.

There are still elements of excitement and interest which are usually provided by books, seeing friends, etc, but none of these are stories. I am bumbling along without 'experiences' and this is part of adult life.

I realise that we have to, at some point, fall into a state of work, eat, rest and 'live for the weekend' but it's so dull!

Nothing has had a massive effect, nothing has drawn great emotion. Until now.

Today I was informed that my friends mother had passed away. I knew the mother quite well and have always been happy to see her and talk openly with her.

She has been ill for a while and was now meant to be on the road to recovery. Unfortunately she became very ill during the night and passed away this morning. This has really stumped me and drawn emotions from me that I forgot existed.

Last night I went out for another friends birthday. I had no clue that these events were unfolding and now, to hear the news and to know there is nothing I can do is destroying.

My numbing process of working and living has had a wall thrown up in front of it and has made me draw on reserved emotions to try and process exactly what is going on.

I feel guilty for carrying on with my everyday, boring routine whilst someone I know and care about has had such hardship.

There is nothing I can do to help, nothing I could have done to help but still, I feel bad.

These things come to us all and we have no control over it. The lack of control makes it unfair and has left me and some of my friends in limbo. Unable to do anything, unable to have offered support and now we have to comes to terms with the fact that, with no ability to control or help we have basically sat on the sideline and watched it all.

I am very sorry and very sad.

The Mother was an excellent person. Very kind and fair, very beautiful throughout. She had hardship in the past and always seemed to take everything in her stride with an incredibly level head.

I admired her and respected her..respected what she had become and the opinion she carried alongside her. I wish I could have done more for her. Maybe I could have. There is always the chance that caring is interfering and I think the last thing the family needed was interfering.

With no way to show my respect and no way to express my sorrow. I find myself writing a blog, an ode to my friend, an ode to everyone who has experienced this.

Some people gain notoriety through acts of kindness, saving starving Africans, building churches, jumping into a fire to save a child.

These people deserve medals, and get them.

But what about the person I am writing about?

Some people are inspirational, some people are beautiful, some people are fair and some people are clever. But not many are all of these. I am lucky to have met a person like this and will not forget I did.

The gentlest of touches can leave the biggest impressions

I just wish she had been told, I wish she had got her medal